Monday, December 01, 2003

Yoyo Ellenboggan

Three Thanksgiving dinners under my belt — literally — plus one Hamsgiving desecration to pilgrim heritage equals dreamy weirdness for Drew. (An equation.)
I’m in a bar or some place where people go to listen to music. I am meeting Cory and his new girlfriend (who exists only within this dream.) But when I sit down at the table, I recognize her. I tell her that I know her already and that I remember her name is Ellen. But she laughs. She tells me that when she said her name was Ellen, she was lying. Her real name, she says, is Yoyo Ellenboggan.

I’m totally confused. Cory explains that when she said her name was Ellen, it was a joke. I don’t get it. They do. They laugh. I don’t.

Who the fuck is this Yoyo Ellenboggan?
After watching "Battle Royale," I’ve decided that if I — as a 14-year-old — were forced to kill my classmates in some government-initiated high school fight-the-death last-man-standing kill-a-thon, I’d probably crack and kill myself. But if somehow I survived and it was just me and another guy who had come out on top together, I would know that he would be a true friend, having not taken these multiple chances to off me.

My soul, I'm told, is four nickels. And so begins a new countdown. Twenty-four days until Christmas.