Friday, October 03, 2003

Mister Manners

Judith Martin, meet Kristen's little brother.

escalift: i hope my away message today went on the cereal box
kidicarus222: i haven't seen it
kidicarus222: put it back up
escalift: ok, hang on a second
kidicarus222: NOW!
kidicarus222: who is miss manners?

Auto response from escalift: picking up miss manners at the airport

kidicarus222: i need clarification
kidicarus222: clarify!
escalift: she has a syndicated advice column originating in the washington post and running in hundreds of newspapers around the country. she tells america how rude it is, and the proper way to cut brie at parties
kidicarus222: i know
kidicarus222: you're picking up THE miss manners?
escalift: i picked her up already
escalift: pick yourself up off the floor!
escalift: (i was excited too)
kidicarus222: what?
kidicarus222: how?
kidicarus222: why?
escalift: she's giving a lecture to all the republican assholes on campus tonight on "the state of culture" and someone i vaguely know happened to mention he was supposed to go pick her up
escalift: so i begged and pleaded to go along
kidicarus222: what was she like?
escalift: she was politely distant
escalift: i asked her how the flight was, and all she did was press her lips together and raise her eyebrow and go, "mmh..."
kidicarus222: did she say anything bitchy?
escalift: and then i asked her if she wanted a cookie (my mother baked them herself, i said), and she just said, "oh goodness, no thank you!" and she chuckled
escalift: nothing especially bitchy
escalift: although i thought her response to my first question was a little cold
kidicarus222: yeah, me and my roommates that that was cold too
kidicarus222: i am narrating this to them
escalift: i'm thinking about going to her lecture tonight. when we dropped her off at her hotel she said, "thank you so much for the ride. i expect i'll be seeing you at the conference?"
escalift: and we stood there and said, "uh..."
escalift: as if to say, "we're not really the asshole type."
escalift: but i might go just to see all the assholes in action
escalift: and there's a rumor that after the first event of the conference every year, the professor who runs all this takes everyone--students, faculty, alums--over to the lord jeff and gets them shitfaced at the bar
escalift: i doubt it's completely true but i want to see what the truth is
escalift: and if it is the truth, i want to run up a big tab because i've never met this professor but all i ever hear about him is what a massive fucking tool he is and how much he shouldn't be allowed to teach. he testified before a senate subcommittee in defense of the defense of marriage act. people like to say that about him a lot
kidicarus222: my roommate wears jammies
escalift: mine too
escalift: our roommates are such adorable little boys
kidicarus222: yes
escalift: so... end of this conversation, i guess
kidicarus222: yes