Sunday, May 18, 2003

She Calls Him "Juice-Juice"

Two late nights in a row, and I couldn't be happier — and both of them without chemical supplements, either. Last night was a drunken festival of midnight backyard campfire whiffleball with Nate, Jill, and Hilly. It concluded around 5:30 a.m. with multiple cuts and bruises and a viewing of episode seven of “Twin Peaks.” I hit the sack at 4:30 last night, after a night of late night sobriety. Turns out I can be social after all, even if that socializing is exclusively with one person. And for every person I really like, there’s one I don’t. Last night's walking disaster: Little Baby Needs a Lot — also known as Clingarella. She’s a friend of the roommates from out of town and also now an entry on the list of villains and scoundrels.

Her crimes:
  • She looks like Ladan.
  • However, she does not look like a good version of Ladan and I honestly miss Ladan, so being confronted with this poor man’s Ladan just made the disparity between her and Ladan all the more noticeable. It’s like this boogly girl crawled into an ill-fitting Ladan suit or something. This is also where she gets her third nickname, Not the Ladan.
  • She clings more tightly than the face-huggers from “Alien.”
  • She’s Jill’s friend. As much as I hate to admit it, by God’s law all of Jill’s friends must suck beyond the telling of it.
  • She’s way not a cool drunk and the time I’ve spent with her has been pretty well alcohol-soaked.
  • She latched onto Justin like the aforementioned face-huggers. This is somewhat understandable. Justin’s the kind of guy girls want to be friends with. In fact, Justin hit it off with all the girls at the party. If that was his thing, he’d have pussy coming out his ears. But this chick decided she would nickname Justin “Juice Juice.” This is unforgivable.
And I’ll bet she has SARS, too.