(Context, in case you are a super creepy and don’t even watch TV.)
Rob Lowe No. 1: Hi, I’m Rob Lowe, and I have DirecTV.
Rob Lowe No. 2: And I’m an unfamous version of Rob Lowe who has a regular person job and a middling income. I have cable.
Rob Lowe No. 1: DirecTV is great. It has significantly improved my experience as a TV viewer.
Rob Lowe No. 2: And I just watch basic cable. Because that’s what most people do.
Rob Lowe No. 1: I am so famous that I make ads that imply that people who can’t afford my fancy people version of cable are unattractive, stupid or otherwise objectionable.
Rob Lowe No. 2: Yeah, that kind of stings. I mean, it mildly sucks that I can’t exercise all the fancy people cable options, but I dunno — the standard cable DVR box I got when I signed up isn’t that bad, I guess.
Rob Lowe No. 1: If you can’t afford DirecTV, you’re a filthy garbage person.
Rob Lowe No. 2: I guess TV isn’t so central to your life when you’re not at TV actor, you know?
Rob Lowe No. 1: I made a commercial that implied people who can’t afford DirecTV are creepy.
Rob Lowe No. 2: Dude, didn’t you have, like, the first sex tape? Why doesn’t anyone talk about that?
Rob Lowe No. 1: I’m going to go with the fact that I’m charming.
Rob Lowe No. 2: Well, my sex tape got me in a lot of legal trouble. It basically ruined my life. That’s why I can’t get a good job, I’d guess. That’s where it all went wrong.
Rob Lowe No. 1: Wow, that sucks!
[Cut to DirecTV logo. Voiceover: DirecTV — if you can’t afford it, you’re a filthy garbage person.]