Because you may never spend quite so much time reflecting on why the Kiss Cam is a strange institution until you have to explain it to someone who is not from the United States and has never watched an American sports game. What follows is an edited, cleaned-up version of this conversation.
The Man From Another Place: What is a Kiss Cam?
Me: It's this thing where they point a camera at a couple at a sports event, and the couple is displayed on the big TV screen that everyone in the stadium can see.
MFAP: Is that an American creation?
Me: Probably? I actually have no idea if other countries have it.
MFAP: How do people know how it works?
Me: You just do. Like, it's been going on for a while, and when you see yourself up there it will actually put the words "Kiss Cam" on the screen so you know to kiss.
MFAP: It's weird if it's American because Americans don't like sex.
Me: That's kind of true. We have a hang-up about displays of sex, yeah.
MFAP: So why do people do it?
Me: Well, it's not sexy, exactly. It's usually to show that you love the person next to you.
MFAP: Oh, so it's like the kind of kiss you'd give your grandmother.
Me: Actually, not always. Some people really go at it.
MFAP: And what do the other people watching the game do?
Me: They cheer.
MFAP: What happens if the people onscreen don't kiss?
Me: The crowd might boo at them.
MFAP: Because they're not putting on a show for everyone?
Me: I guess? I've never really thought about it.
MFAP: They boo because the people aren't in a relationship?
Me: Basically. There's no way to communicate, "No, we're brother and sister."
MFAP: I feel like Americans shouldn't like Kiss Cams, then.
Me: Yeah, it might make more sense if it was a punch cam, and you have to physically assault the person next to you in the stands.
MFAP: How does the camera man know that he's showing a couple and not just friends?
Me: I have no idea.
MFAP: What happens if they put a man and woman who aren't in a relationship on the Kiss Cam? What if they were brother and sister?
Me: They'd probably get booed, I guess.
MFAP: Do they ever put same-sex couples on the Kiss Cam?
Me: No? I don't know. I haven't been to a sports game in a while. Maybe they do now.
MFAP: It would seem like gay people would be mad if they never got featured on the Kiss Cam.
Me: This is probably a thing somewhere.
MFAP: Now I feel like I understand the Kiss Cam better. Thanks!
Me: See, now I don't.