Officer: So what were you listening to?In the end, I was allowed to proceed without a ticket, since my unblemished record and immaculately clean car made me seem like the kind of guy who only needs a warning to correct his bad behavior. Or maybe he just pitied me. Or maybe I just seemed especially harmless.
Me: I… excuse me?
Officer: When you sped past, you looked like you were listening to your jam. I was wondering what that jam was.
Me: Oh, it was just some dumb song.
Officer: Whose song was it?
Me: It… was a band that calls itself Marina and the Diamonds.
Officer: They sound pretty hardcore.
Me: They’re really not. Just a dumb pop band.
Officer: What was the song called?
Me: “Froot.” It was called “Froot.”
Officer: So if I were to look up Marina and the Diamonds and this song “Froot,” I would be able to listen to whatever you were listening to.
Me: Yes. But it’s not “Fruit.” It’s “Froot.” F-R-O-O-T.
Officer: That’s not how you spell “fruit.”
Me: Yeah, but that’s how she spells it.
Officer: She being Marina?
Me: Yes, sir.
This, by the way, is the song that led me into a criminal lifestyle. It looks like Pac-Man at a gay rave.
Yes, I did learn all the lyrics. No, that will not get me anywhere. But hey — no ticket.
Previous stories which I allege to be funny:
- Losing One’s Shit (Both Meanings)
- These, Tragically, Are the Frequently Asked Questions
- In Which Drew Searches for Frozen Fruit
- The Conversation I Wish I’d Had at the Art Book Fair
- The Death of a Swan