Thursday, March 21, 2013

The Truth Behind Hateful Advertising

Dermatologists HATE her! … because she has really terrible skin from using bullshit home remedies.

Trainers HATE him! … because he has really bad form and he could be encouraging novice weightlifters to injure themselves.

Weight loss experts HATE THEM! … because they're rather comfortable with their bodies as they appear now.

Foreign language tutors HATE them! … because they're all stuck up and shit.

Wedding planners HATE her! … because she's just an awful person and that fucking dog is not house-trained.

Grief counselors HATE him! … because it turns out that grief counselors have issues they need to work through too.

Midwives HATE her! … because she made a racist joke at the midwife convention.

Tap dance instructors HATE him! … because he's always pointing out the ways that tap dance is super dumb.

Teenage girls HATE them! … because YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT'S LIKE AND I'LL NEVER BE PRETTY AND I WISH I WAS DEAD.

Lyric poets HATE her! … because her verses have too many syllables in them and that is sloppy writing.

Homeopathic care advisors HATE him! … because he's a doctor who prescribes real medicine.

Assembly line workers HATE them! … because they're the boss's kids and they are not respectful.

Investment bankers HATE her! … because she broke their hearts.

Medical doctors HATE her! … because she keeps smoking after she had that stroke.

Bartenders HATE him! … because he quit drinking, whereas his alcoholism has previously been helping pay off that new boat.


Or, you know, maybe the dermatologists just hate her because she's peeling off her skin like a snake, and that is nightmarish and terrifying?

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