Thursday, June 28, 2012

Porn for Border Collies

~ WOOLY WILMA ~


“Hi. I’m a fully grown ewe who’s been from one end of the pasture to the other. I’m currently separated from my flock, as I’ve been sunning myself on a grassy knoll all afternoon and now I'm sitting all alone. I’m looking for a big, strong herding dog to bark in my face and nip at my legs until I’m ushered back to safety. Do I hear your collar jingling already?”

~ MISS MUTTON ~



“Baa baa. I’ve just been freshly shorn, and the feeling of the brisk Scotland air against my skin has made me impudent. I’ve been stomping my hooves and jumping up on the feedbox where I’m not allowed. Please, I need a collie to come and stare directly into my eyes until I can’t help but do what he wants. Help me be a good little lamb again.”

~ COTTON & CLOUD ~



“We’re twins. We just turned a year old today, and a guess what? Our ears have never been chewed. Ooh, yeah — the cartilage is still so resilient. Later today, we’re both going to wriggle through a hole in the fence and eat milady’s daffodils. Since we suffer from the typically poor ovine memory, we might just wander back and forth all day along the fence, searching for just the right spot to get back into the pasture. Hope we don’t tire you out!”

{ FIN }

4 comments:

  1. Drew... what the hell!? ;)

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    1. What? This was public service -- specifically for border collies.

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  2. This entry might also excited Gene Wilder circa this. Nothing like ending up guzzling Woolite on Skid Row.

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    1. I'd actually not seen this movie before you posted this comment, George. But I hunted down the clip. I should like to point out that I'm not using the dogs as some sort of stand-in. It's the dogs that have these feelings, the dogs!

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