It was weird and lame. Everyone seemed to realize this. And when Dean Pelton himself, Jim Rash, won an Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay for The Descendants, he mocked her by mimicking her awkward, splayed pose. (The moment would have recalled Revenge of the Nerds if the titular downtroddens had exacted vengeance against the pretty girls on campus instead of the popular guys.) Immediately, I stuffed this little incident into the gunnysack I have labeled “Holy shit, Angelina Jolie sucks,” where it would occupy space with other turds that this woman has squeezed out. Among them:
- She’s really just a Hollywood brat.
- She’s only made one good movie (and it’s Gia, not Girl, Interrupted).
- She tried to seem interesting by dressing goth-y and implying an incestuous relationship with her brother.
- She tried to seem interesting by her whole weird, public courtship with Billy Bob Thornton.
- She tried to seem interesting by becoming super mom and, really, super woman, to the point that I suspect she thinks her double-X chromosome somehow overpowers every other XX in the world.
- She tried to seem interesting by launching a one-woman quest to end weltschmerz.
- She seems willing to try anything to cover up the fact that she’s always Angelina Jolie on screen, and acting is just not her forte.
- I kind of feel like anyone who has an affair with Jenny Shimizu only does it to piss off one or both of her parents.
- And perhaps the thing that bothers me the most, she gives the impression that she lacks a sense of humor.
Okay, now, all that said, I should probably mention the bloggable post element that I’d been keeping on the backburner all this time. It’s the one photo of Angelina Jolie in which I found her to look totally, strikingly appealing. And it looks like this:
Things to note:
- For once, she looks like she’s not addressing a United Nation panel on skinny babies. She also doesn’t look like she has somewhere better to be.
- In fact, that’s the most animated I’ve ever seen her face.
- She kind of looks like Elizabeth Hurley (which in my book is a good thing).
- But Hurley-ness notwithstanding, the pose makes me think of Jennifer Aniston. I mean, that’s a pose Aniston would assume for some kissass Esquire cover story to the effect of “Aniston is the shit! She totally gets dudes and she makes funny faces so you don’t feel all intimidated by her!”
Or am I so proud of my self-perceived ability to think my way out of the traps the snare everyone else who’s positing about pop culture that I refuse to see the situation as it is, with Angelina Jolie being the heavy, serious, sexual opposite to the light, comic, makeout-y, over-the-clothes-ness that is Jennifer Aniston?
Already, I’ve given the matter too much thought.