A bug slightly smaller than my hand is walking across the deck, making tapping and clicking noises with each step. (Unpleasantness.)
Okay Syfy Channel, I'll start my Fourth of July with a Greatest American Hero marathon. If you insist.
That ad where Jamie Lee Curtis asks women to "film themselves taking the Activia challenge" makes me worried something awful is going to happen.
Sorry mom, but you said your favorite show was McHale's Navy, not McLeod's Daughters. If you don't like your DVD gift, that's your problem.
Question for online female friends: Why do some pantyhose come in egg-shaped containers? Is this symbolism? Or is there a pantyhose bird?
Few things are more disconcerting than driving past a restaurant you've recently eaten at and seeing it covered in a bug extermination tent.
Scientists make female mice go lesbian by deleting one gene... whose name happens to be "FucM." Awesome. http://tinyurl.com/2whthwr
I think George Orwell would be flattered that we took the name of 1984's dystopic government villain and made it a skanky reality show.
Wait. Doesn't The Hills' "it wuz all fakerz!!!" ending totally screw over The City and every other spin-off that may want to seem real?
Dear world, please stop wearing flesh-colored shorts. They look like naked with weird bumps and folds. Thx.
Clarification: The Ps concluing the texts I sent are not smileys. The P button is next to the iPhone's send button. Accidental emoticons.
Was tricked into attending a classic car show. Realized I feel about cars the way most people do about adding machines and dishwashers.
Saw a flyer promoting a cafe crawl --- "like a pub crawl, but with coffee!" Yes, and also a horrifically embarassing aftermath.
@Briphelia I like that I Gmailed you to comment on my blog and you tweeted me back. Later, can I Facebook your Tumblr to my iPod?
Did he just say he's making a testicle marshmallow? Because let me say "DON'T STEAL MY RECIPE!" #topchef
Someone just found my blog by Googling "why does padma always call gail lovely?" http://tinyurl.com/2brgmu6 A good question...? #topchef
How did I not know that #JJAbrams plays a supporting role in the movie version of Six Degrees of Separation? http://tinyurl.com/29csxjc
I like my crisp autumn mornings as much as the next guy, just not in July. WTF, California?
Is there a way to turn off iPhone's tendency to autocorrect all uses of "its" to "it's" without turning off all autocorrects?
Little known fact: In 2003, H.R. Pufnstuf officially changed his name to "Human Resources Pufnstuf."
Surprising? The word "pagoda" comes from Portuguese, not from any East Asian languages. http://tinyurl.com/2fhbwkh #etymology
I once dropped a college drawing class because the teacher pronounced it "charko" instead of "charcoal." I stand by this decision today.
Things I realize while heating dinner: I can program the microwave to run for 99 seconds but must hit 1:40 if I want 100 seconds.
Watching #topchef. I kinda miss the lady who seemed like she was doing an impression of Rosie O'Donnell from A League of Their Own.
WTF, #topchef? I need closure on that pea purée foofaraw. Don't you record everything? Can't you tell us if pea goo was thefted?
Amused: China Chow's name can be literally interpreted as "Chinese food" and that her dad founded the Mr. Chow restaurant chain. #workofart
Spoiler for every #Law&Order ever: The killer is the comedian guesting in a dramatic role. All comedians are potential murderers, FYI.
Feel like you would have liked to read these earlier? In a different setting? You could have. If only you were following me on Twitter.