My June, as represented by certain 140-character-or-less snippets.Feel like you would have liked to read these earlier? In a different setting? You could have. If only you were following me on Twitter.
Just drove past a bondage gear shop called Stormy Leather.
Of course, when I said "clean off the tea set" earlier I actually meant "prepare the slopstacle course."
The recipe called for CRANBERRY BEANS, which apparently exist. http://tinyurl.com/26au965 Am I the only one who's never heard of these?
A major benefit of Twitter over Facebook: No one here invites me to like worthless garbage that I've never heard of and don't care about.
Cougar awkwardly smalltalks abt Lady Gaga to clearly gay guy working register at grocery. He pretends he's never heard of Gaga. Well played.
A peculiarly high number of Golden Girls episodes revolve around someone visiting from out of town. Did they even have a guest room?
Saw the Charlie St. Cloud trailer and thought it has to be a parody. Nope. Real. Barf myself to death. http://tinyurl.com/3xot2xm
Happy Flag Day! Feel the magic! — flag. verb. "to weaken or become feeble." http://tinyurl.com/2bjphvr
Dear Rockwell: Maybe you'd feel less paranoid if you removed the stuffed animals from your crazy person house. http://tinyurl.com/2fa5m3b
Word of caution: The Trader Joe's Turkish apricots taste like a prune had a baby with black licorice. Avoid at all costs.
Party-sized bucket of flan
Got screened for skin cancer. Doctor showed me the Big Picture Book of Melanoma Nightmares and now I will never go out again in daylight.
Today I learned how many W's are in "JWoww." And, consequently, my bran probably forgot something else important.
A fun game: Do I have the flu or is it food poisoning with residual soreness from that tiny bit of exercise I did?
Am super excited about Angelina Jolie's upcoming documentary on the history of salt. Thank god she's stopped making shitty action movies.
Synopses for two different DVRed Golden Girls: "Dorothy has chronic fatigue syndrome" and "Chronically tired Dorothy seeks help." Huh.
"I resent the implication that Three's Company was all about Chrissy's boobs, as it occasionally focused on Janet being plain and sad."
Are you kidding? The last names of the Cruise and Diaz characters in "Knight & Day" aren't even Knight and Day. http://tinyurl.com/2b6ukrk
"The world that can't be mentioned in polite company." Amazing.
Rielle Hunter was born Lisa Jo Druck. This I find amusing and indicative. http://tinyurl.com/5lhlcq
A bird is riding the pool cleaner and it actually looks kind of fun.
In demonstrating how to properly trim the lawn edges, my dad decapitated a driveway light. Advantage: me.
Trying to differentiate all the Twilight actors is like trying to learn all the Pokemon: If you're over a certain age, you just can't do it.
Grampa Simpson, commenting on a port-a-potty: "This elevator only goes to the basement. And somebody made an AWFUL mess down there."
I dropped my phone on cement, but don't worry --- the puddle it fell into cushioned the impact.
"A champagne brunch with Anne Rice, Shohreh Aghdashloo... and Tweet." http://tinyurl.com/2e3f8gu