Tuesday, May 04, 2010

You Don’t Deserve These Hermit Crabs

Guess how I misread the label below these potential pet crabs I saw at Petco?


If you said “fancy ass hermit crabs,” you’re right! I had to look twice. In the end, I think both I and they would prefer to be known as fancy ass hermit crabs rather than fancy asst hermit crabs. But what the hell does asst mean? I am most used to seeing it as an abbreviation for assistant, and I have to say that using a tiny crab in lieu of a human personal assistant would be AWESOME. Hell, it worked for Ariel. “I kahn werk yer Blahckberree with mah peenchers,” boasts your personal assistant crab, in an unplaceable accent. (I don’t know, that’s how I heard him talk in my head.) But in all likelihood, asst is probably not short for assistant in this situation.

So what then? Assed? Are they fancy-assed hermit crabs? Is it assorted? Because if it is, that’s really confusing, what with the lack of a period to denote abbreviation. But I guess it might be, since Google searches for “asst hermit crab”, “fancy asst hermit crabs” and, yes, “fancy assistant hermit crabs” didn’t turn up anything any more conclusive.

Since we’re on the subject, I’d also like to point out that these hermit crabs are also mislabeled as reptiles. There are clearly some serious problems at the Santa Barbara Petco.

One final follow-up: Asst or not, what the hell makes these hermit crabs so fancy?

Crabs, previously:


And yeah, I’m as surprised as you that I’ve managed to blog about the scuttling pinchered ones as much as I have.

3 comments:

  1. Assorted, man. Assorted. (But smart people use "asstd." to avoid confusion with "assistant".)

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  2. Anonymous11:39 AM

    Assortment.

    ReplyDelete
  3. The accent seems Jamaican to me. That would make for one kick-ass assistant.

    ReplyDelete