I know, I know. Mistreatment of large felines is no joke — except when it’s cougars, in which case one can react only by saying something like “ALBINTHALIXINEROZM” as a result of too many jokes attempting to escape the mouth at the same time. It’s an odd headline to read, just because I’d like to think that Solvang is something of cougar paradise, what with the ample tasting rooms and the city being laid out roughly on a flat surface, so as to accommodate aging joints crammed into high-heeled shoes. What constitutes cougar mistreatment? I have no idea, as I didn’t bother to read the News-Press article, but I’d guess it was someone closing the bar early or yanking on her hoop earrings or something.