Plumber’s Little Helper

How I unclog a stopped bathtub drain:

1. Take a plunger and, making sure the water level is high enough to cover the “bell” of the instrument, place it over the drain.
2. Forming a tight seal around the surrounding tub surface, force down on the plunger between ten and fifteen times.
3. Remove the plunger. Examine the drain in hopes that the source of the stoppage will be magically revealed, perhaps by explanatory bathroom spirits.
4. Carefully observe whatever bubbles emerge from the drain in hopes that they will somehow indicate whether I’ve made any progress.
5. Form a seal once again and plunge another ten to fifteen times.
6. Upon not successfully unplugging the drain, fold arms and frown.
7. Google “how to plunge drain”. Find nothing helpful.
8. Form a seal once again and plunge another ten to fifteen times.
9. Upon not successfully unplugging the drain, hurt foot by kicking bathtub and shout misogynist swear word for no clear reason.
10. Slam the plunger down on the drain, neglecting to properly forming a seal, repeatedly thrust up and down in a frenzied action that clearly benefits the amateur plumber more than it does the apparently professional drain clog. End result: dirty tub water gets everywhere.
11. Check for possibly explanatory bubbles. See none.
12. Shake dirty tub water off plunger. Return plunger to cabinet. Call landlord and request actual plumber.