Monday, March 23, 2009

Worry Worry Superscurry

This afternoon I edited the third draft a rather long article that focuses in part on twin girls named Alexandra and Sandra. Only today, however, did I realize that these girls’ mother doofed up pretty badly in picking out these names: Phonetically speaking, the Sandra’s entire first name is contained within her sister’s. As a result, the former goes by what is essentially an unadorned version of what the latter goes by. It works on an etymological level too: Sandra is generally considered a shortening of Alexandra, save for the rare cases that it’s short for Cassandra. It’s kind of like parents naming their twins Bill and William. Or Nathan and Jonathan. Or Tori and Victoria. Or Susan and Susanalinda. Or Frank and Frank-Who-Doesn’t-Smell. Worst of all: At some point, Sandra will realize this and look at her sister’s name with jealousy. “Why does she get that extra stuff?” she’ll ask. And no one will answer. And the pain will eat away at her. And one day she’ll take the whole family hostage, with her only demands to police being “a few extra syllables, maybe. Perhaps something with an ‘L’ or a ‘Y’ or something else pretty.”

On a completely unrelated note, today I also ate a single praline candy that constituted seventeen percent of my daily recommended allotment of fat.

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