Saturday, February 28, 2009

Forgetting Tammi Littlenut

I feel that us normals should generally avoid approaching famous people, especially when the interaction amounts to little more than a statement of “I recognize you from my TV box!” and other such idiocy. However, I am willing to violate this principle as a result of some combination of the following factors: (1) me being drunk, (2) the celebrity in question being perhaps not superfamous to the world at large, and, (3) as a corollary to the previous factor, the possibility that the recognizable-but-not-superfamous person perhaps doesn’t get randoms coming up to him or her just to say “Hey, you’re good. Keep it up.” Because I feel like I wouldn’t mind that if were famous.

The stars that govern awkward interactions aligned last night, I think, because I saw someone whose work I enjoy — perhaps more so than the average numbskull with a remote control — and did, in fact, approach her. It was Maria Thayer, an appealing redheaded actress who is probably most familiar as Jerri Blank’s chipper friend Tammi Littlenut on Strangers With Candy but who has recently become known to a wider audience as a result of a supporting role in Forgetting Sarah Marshall — she was the wife of Jack McBrayer’s character — and a recent appearance on 30 Rock — in which she played a blind girl romanced by McBrayer’s character. Seeing Thayer was a high point, even on a night when I sat through a lecture by Anthony Bourdain and saw A.C. Newman play.

She looks like this:


I can’t put my finger on why, exactly, but I’ve always felt that Thayer exuded a good quality in whatever she does and I’m happy that her career seems to be growing. That, more or less, is all I wanted to tell her, and I felt that if I did so properly, I could avoid embarrassing myself too much.

How it was going to work in my mind:
(Drew taps pretty redheaded woman on the shoulder.)

Drew: I’m sorry to bother you, but is your name Maria?

Woman: Yes.

Drew: Are you Maria Thayer?

Woman: Yes I am.

Drew: I don’t want to be a pest, but I just wanted to tell you that I recognized you and I enjoy what you do. Keep it up.

Woman: Why thank you! That’s nice of you to say! Have a pleasant evening.
It didn’t really go like this. I had had a few drinks by the time I spoke to her. I wasn’t completely destroyed, but I was perhaps a bit more loquacious than I would have been were I sober. And, come to think of it, everyone I was with was suspiciously supportive of me going to talk to this woman, so I have to wonder if they were taking some sick joy in watching me disturb a moderately famous person’s evening and, in the process, make an ass out of myself. As near as I can remember, the actual interaction went like this:
(Drew taps pretty redheaded woman on the shoulder.)

Drew: I’m sorry to bother you, but is your name Maria?

Maria Thayer: Yes.

Drew: Are you Maria Thayer?

Maria Thayer: Yes I am.

Drew: I know you!

Maria Thayer: Are you a big Strangers With Candy fan?

Drew: Yeah, and I enjoyed what you did on that show. And then Forgetting Sarah Marshall was good too. And the Strangers With Candy movie.
This is all I really remember, as far as words that were spoken. I know she introduced me to the gentleman she was with, and I know she asked me what I thought of the A.C. Newman set. I have no idea how I responded to either of these events. Also, I feel like I probably talked to her for about five minutes altogether. And you can fit a whole lot of crazy into the four minutes and thirty seconds that I have forgotten. I’m going to assume the worst — and that worst is represented below with a third take on my memorably unremembered conversation with Maria Thayer.
(Drew taps pretty redheaded woman on the shoulder.)

Drew: I’m sorry to bother you, but is your name Maria?

Maria Thayer: Yes.

Drew: Are you Maria Thayer?

Maria Thayer: Yes I am.

Drew: I know you!

Maria Thayer: Are you a big Strangers With Candy fan?

Drew: Yeah, and I enjoyed what you did on that show. And then Forgetting Sarah Marshall was good too. And… the Strangers With Candy movie.

Maria Thayer: Oh, that’s nice.

Drew: But the Strangers With Candy movie wasn’t as good.

Maria Thayer: Oh, okay.

Drew: I don’t know why you made it.

Maria Thayer: Did you enjoy the show tonight?

Drew: Shut up! Are you Kenneth the page’s girlfriend, because that’s awesome.

Maria Thayer: No, I’m not. By the way, this is my friend.

(Maria Thayer physically pulls a man larger than Drew to her side, in a clear effort to end the interaction with Drew prematurely.)

Drew: You were the best thing in Storytelling. You made Selma Blair look like scrambled eggs.

Maria Thayer: I don’t know if that’s really true.

Drew: No, you’re best thing. You should gets Oscars for Strangers With Candy. (Drew leans his face next to Maria Thayer’s and points his cell phone in an attempt for a photo with her. The button he mashes instead calls his parents, waking them up.) And my old roommate Tristan thought you were hot — like, way hotter than Stephen Colbert.

Maria Thayer: …

Drew: You should be hosting your own news parody show. You’re better than him. And Anthony Bourdain, too, because you could totally be the one eating the entrails and it would totally be better. Do you know that the African bushmen eat pig rectum? Not me. I wouldn’t. But I think you could. Because you’re like the African bushmen. You know how to work for something. Now listen — I’m going to get my friends over there (Drew points at an expanse of empty floor nowhere near where his friends are standing.) And I think you’d like to meet them and then we can all have a real party at my house, where we don’t have drugs because we don’t do drugs but we do have at least one sleeve of Thin Mints that we haven’t eaten yet. So you just wait right here.

(Drew shambles toward an undetermined destination. Maria Thayer and her friend flee.)
I’m hoping that overshooting the mark with that last rendition will somehow magically absolve me of any wrongdoing I committed during the actual sequence of events.

1 comment:

  1. She was always my favorite character on the show. I wouldn't mind meeting her one day either. Hopefully not drunk though.

    ReplyDelete