Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Butter Building

An open letter to Foulds Macaroni:

foulds_macaroni
Dear Mr. F. Macaroni,

You confuse me. Why are you named "Foulds"? Why don't the people who make you realize that your name makes you sound like some kind of worthless pseudo-macaroni in the manner that fool's gold is the worthless version of actual gold? And why do the good people at Ralphs make you live on the aisle that includes such products as curry paste, grape leaves, baba ghanouj, and sesame seeds? (Essentially, it looks like someone without a real understanding of geography was tasked with assembling a Middle Eastern collection and just but all the food for non-Mexican brown people there.) What about you makes you foreign enough to merit not only distance from the familiar macaroni brands but also exile to the Foreigner Foods Island? And, please, what's with the spelling variant "elbo"? Is that also foreign? Or is it gimmicky advertising English in the style of "drive-thru" and "tonite"? ("Drive-thru elbo makaroni tonite!")

I would greatly appreciate your justifying your own existence.

Yours,
Drew

3 comments:

  1. I would totally drive-thru an (appropriately-sized) elbo makaroni. Maybe not tonight, though, cause I got plans tonight.

    Also, maybe it's one of those brands that is so specifically identified with one type of ethnosocial cuisine that it bypasses normal laws of grocery store classification, e.g. how the Fox's U-Bet is always with the Kosher foods rather than the normal chocolate syrup.

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  2. I make it a rule not to eat food that is spelt wrong or is grammatically incorrect (blue razzberry?, Elbo?).

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  3. Anonymous3:37 PM

    I give. Why "butter building"?

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