As members of a certain female gender have strained the current facilities beyond what they can handle, the Indy has decided to spring for new ones that don't waste water. Currently, they're sitting in their packaging on the floor of one of the men's rooms. This particular men's room has no available literature, so when I'm there I just read what text is on the box. Admittedly, it's not much, but it beats staring at the peeled paint on the wall. One piece of text explains that the holes in the packaging are not handles, only — ahem — access holes.
I take great pleasure in that the text cautions against using the "access holes" for anything other than an entry point. Using it for lifting, sliding or gripping can undermine the holes integrity, possibly even tearing it. Given the context, I find this hilarious to the point that I assume whoever wrote it must have understood the implications.
The other point of note regarding this toilet packaging is that the toilets are manufactured by Kohler, a company whose motto is "The bold look of Kohler."
I, for one, do not enjoy the prospect of a bold toilet. If I had to assign any adjective to my toilet other than "dutifully receptive," I think I would pick "submissive." Other contenders: passive, clean, odorless, dry. But boldness, for sure, would not be a quality that would figure into my pleasant, eventless toilet-using. When I think of bold people, I tend to associate with them behavior I deem "a little forward." How this could translate to toilet interactions, I'm not so sure. But worry about us, the staff of the Independent, as we brave this possibly aggressive appliances. Pray that I survive my twenty-fifth year with my dignity intact.