I Was a Feather With an Alligator Mouth

I’ll admit that “SNL” didn’t start so well this year. Not so much a result of the loss in cast members — Parnell, Sanz, Fey, Dratch and Mitchell — but more from the kind of beginning-of-the-season jitters that so often seem to plague the show. It doesn’t make sense. You’d think with four months off, they’d be able to deliver a quality product. However, so many seasons have started out badly. Putting Dane Cook as the host didn’t help this season’s kick-off, either. Luckily, there's this little superstition that surrounds the show, stating that a season that behind poorly ends well. Sort of like how a great dress rehearsal means a flawed live performance, I guess.

Because I’m lame, I’ve been able to catch the last three new episodes. To anyone who’s given up on the show — and who wouldn’t, having sat through the Dane Cook episode? — I should tell you that the show’s been quite good subsequently. Broadway-trained John C. Reilly did a good job and Hugh Laurie did an even better one this last week. Spencer was mulling over the SNL Transcripts website and found the concluding sketch from the Jaime Pressley-hosted episode from early October. It’s pretty good. It loses something when reduced down to words on a screen, but I think it’s worth reproducing here.

Picture Pressley and Kristen Wiig being suburban housewives sitting on a porch.

Kristen Wiig: Oh. It's such a beautiful night tonight.
Jaime Pressley: Mmm. I love fall, a nice cup of hot cider, and a good friend.
Wiig: I can't wait to get a pumpkin!

[ they sip their cider ]

Pressley: Mmm. You know, I ran into Sally today.
Wiig: Really?
Pressley: She's put on a ton of weight.
Wiig: Oh, that's too bad. That's too bad.
Pressley: I just hope she's all right.

[ they sip their cider ]

Wiig: Mmm! Cider is so good!
Pressley: I used a cinnamon stick as a stirrer.
Wiig: Oh.

[ they sip their cider ]

Wiig: Mmm. Oh - well, I ran into Herb today.
Pressley: Oh, really?
Wiig: Yes. He said he was sober, but he didn't smell like it.
Pressley: You know, I saw him peeing on his front lawn. He was so drunk he threw up all over his own ding-dong.
Wiig: [ smiles ] Oh, that's Herb for you!

[ they sip their cider ]

Pressley: Oh, I love the smell of fall.
Wiig: I kind of like the smell of my own farts.

[ they sip their cider ]

Pressley: Oh! I know what I wanted to tell you! Janice found a bloody sweater in her husband's trunk.
Wiig: Again?
Pressley: I guess our husbands aren't so bad!

[ they laugh at the joke ]

Pressley: I cut myself on purpose this morning.

[ they sip their cider ]

Wiig: Mmm! I forgot about cider!
Pressley: Me, too!

[ they smile, then sip more cider ]

Wiig: I'm thinking about having a party for all the dogs in the neighborhood.
Pressley: I had a dream where I was a feather with an alligator mouth.
Wiig: My real name is Ronald.
Pressley: I peed in the cider.

Simple, strange and free of recurring characters. I really liked this sketch and I hate to think people got bored and turned the TV off before it aired.

[ link: SNLtranscripts.org ]