Here's the first draft:
About me:I thought Brie would surely veto being characterized as a child-stealer, but no. She actually left it mostly intact, according to the newest version of her profile. No intent to sell babies to barren or queer couples, though. Too bad — something about that practice is just too funny to me.
I really can't talk about myself without talking about MY WONDERFUL KIDS!!! I know a lot of people think it's not "cool" to be an unwed mother, but I couldn't be prouder of my six little pet-babies. I have Fifi and Francois and Sherbet and Tickle and Ping-Pong and Cody and they're just my whole life now. KIDS!!! I know, I know. Who would have thought that Brie would be a mom? But I've come a long way from the snaggle-toothed Brentwood girl with condoms in her hair and a dazed expression on her face who eventually became Miss Fresh Face Teen America!!! (Memories!) My cleaning lady Guadalupe and I sure have our hands full!!! Rest assured, I maintained my figure though. I have a way around the whole nine months thing. I mean, those schools barely flinched when I told them I was their aunt, picking them up for the dentist appoinment! Easy as that, and in a few weeks I filled my house with love. And by house, I mean basement. KIDS!!!
Who I'd like to meet:
Why, I really don't need anyone now that I have the love of my family. (Though, to be honest, I am looking for nice barren and/or queer couples looking for their own pet-babies, since Cody's been mouthy lately. He keeps saying "You're not my mama!" and I say "I am too" and he says "No, my mama ain't white!" and I just can't keep punishing him because I'm running out of paper clips. But really, the other five are angels.) KIDS!!!