Saturday, August 20, 2005

Oh, For Fuck's Sake


If you're reading this now, there's a high chance that your MySpace profile fucking sucks.

This is nothing personal against anyone who reads this blog. If you're a regular, I probably know and like you. And if I know and like you, you're not a fucktard. However, there's also quite a few people who randomly stumble across this blog. I can't vouch for them. Furthermore, I've found that the majority of people on MySpace have shitty profiles. Thus, there's an audience here that needs to hear this.

Your MySpace profile sucks. People look at it and think you are stupid and worthy of their hatred. You are a miserable person and you are better off removing any trace of yourself from the internet. And then, subsequently, the world as well.

For example, maybe you thought it would be cool to change the color of your profile, jack with the font and post lots of pictures. If you weren't a fucking idiot, this would be a good idea. Instead, you made your profile virtually illegible because you haven't got a fucking clue how not to suck.

Or say you found a certain video clip you thought represented you. Like, maybe something by Jewel or Eminem or something like that. Fuck you. Your shitty, grainy video clip takes too long to load and halts my internet for longer than you're worth. Beyond that, you have abominable taste in music. No one likes Jewel or Eminem. What's worse, the songs these artists make have nothing to do with you. Fuck you for co-opting someone else's work to represent yourself. Jewel and Eminem suck and even they would think your MySpace profile is a pain in the ass.

Oh what's that? Your profile belongs to you and you can do whatever you want with it and who the hell am I to tell you what to do? Oh, well I'd totally agree with you — if you had a brain. Most of the people who took it upon themselves to spice up their space don't deserve the opportunity to be creative. I can only hope the googolwatt of brainpower they used making their MyShit page broke their brain, rendering them incapable of ever attempted creativity again.

For god's sake, just stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.

You're not worth the webspace your profile is taking up. Now go die.


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    Anyhow, do you know a guy that does a cereal-themed blog? Beyond your nonsense... or is it you that did this?
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  7. laurendc11:11 PM

    hey man. this is really great..i am am going to bookmark it as soon as i find my fucktard brain.

    i have a stupid myspace profile blog. i think i am going to go blow one of my appendages off now.