Monday, September 27, 2004

Ghost of the San Nic Penthouse

I can't believe Shobhna kept this. I didn't even keep it. I thought about it every now and then, but I was sure I'd never actually read it again — never remember the words the way I wrote them. I can't believe it's almost four years old. I can't believe Shobhna remembered to send it to me. I can't believe how wrong I was about Johnny Cash and Cordelia.
I did survive life on the eighth floor. And you know what? I enjoyed it. All of it. Even when I was sick of sitting in my drafty room and having to ride clunky ghetto elevators (or, as I called them, “ghettovators”) and listening to squealing from down the hall, I honestly would not have had it any other way. See, for someone who like me who needs constant stimulation at all times, this floor was great because I was never bored. Not even for a second.

Besides, I am taking a brake from moving out and “Time of Your Life” randomly started playing, and I feel inspired to take stab at being eloquent. I am an English major. That’s what I do.

Shob: Thanks for putting the mailing list that made this all possible. Thanks for encouraging everyone to give a shit. We will have the Turkey Trot. And “Land Down Under.” And Seven Falls. And scabies. Thanks for helping me with my hugging problem. You are my exotic jewel of the East.

Jamie: We should get together sometime and play “Button, Button, Who’s got the Button?” Or not. Memories of Soc 2 and morbidly obese raccoons…. Did you ever find the bodies Olivia was hiding in the closet?

Lynzy: I enjoy being one of your fathers. I enjoyed murdering Bosco on a weekly basis. I enjoyed spooning and backrubs. I enjoy the way you skanked up the room just by walking in. But most of all, I enjoyed Lynzy. Be careful in Memphis; don’t end up marrying some hillbilly. Take good care of Jordan. Have fun next year on Planet Estrogen. You complete me.

Mayms: We were married once. Do you remember when you were my spicy Mexican dish? Or when you have me the best haircut I’ve ever had? Things got weird, I know, but I’m hoping to see you next year. You’re my Gemini ideal.

Greg: Dude. It was cool. Like having a little bit of Hollister lying around, only in a non-crappy way. Thanks for being the only person on the floor to appreciate my Trena jokes. You and Kat and Jenn are like the Hollister support group. Thanks for headache crisis management, too. I wonder which one of us actually owes the other any money? Could we say we just broke even?

Nate: See what the power of Nintendo can do? God bless it…. Sorry Ninja Squirrel didn’t fly too well, but South Park was awesome. My life is more complete because of it. Looking forward to hours of Gamecube next year. Long live Johnny Cash.

Brendan: What can I say dude? Irene picked you over me. I cry at night because of that. Whenever I smell the sour scent of soiled laundry, I’ll remember Brendan. Thanks for use of the skateboard. Damn Austin, I will miss that board.

Irene: I remember now. It’s “SEE-bold.” Am I still the substitute boyfriend when Brendan’s out of town? Thanks. You know that squishy noise that Easy Mac makes when you stir it? Makes me think of you.

Katie: You laughed at my jokes more than anyone else. That’s probably the best compliment someone could give me, because most people just make confused faces when I make a joke…. Thanks for helping the world’s laziest boy for helping me deal will the foul horror that is Dolly.

Jake: Dude, you were more than the guy who lived across the hall. You were a role model of alcohol consumption for us all. Did you want your skateboard back?

Justin: I’ve never met anyone who likes the NES Ice Hockey so much. I mean, it’s cool and everything, but you really took it to the next level. Oh, and I think Ness could kick that pussy ass marshmallow Kirby’s ass any day. Long live Otter Pops.

John: Well, I’ll remember your gas, dude. Potent, pungent stuff. It really made this year something special. Seriously, dude, you might want to go see a doctor.

Jenna: My Socal ideal. Here’s my gift to you. Next year, you can use my bathroom whenever you want.

Marcy: Sorry the hiking never quite worked out. Thanks for naming me “Drewling.” I kind of like it, actually. Next time some independent film no one else has heard about comes out, I’ll give you a call. If you ever miss me, just yell out the window. Wherever I am, I will probably hear you.

Beth: Without you, this year would have been completely lacking a Slip-n-Slide. And what good is any year without a Slip-n-Slide? Whenever I get a nasty chest rash, I will think of the cool art chick who lived on my floor.

Jill: God bless Easy Mac. I don’t know what I would have done this year without it. Thanks for being my enviro sci goddess. We’ll always have the Sewage Treatment Plant.

Rachel (a.k.a. Short Rachel): You made it through one year of sharing your name. Hope you enjoy being just plain old Rachel again.

Brie: You mellowed out and it turns out you were pretty cool. I’m sorry I made fun of your diseases. Ectopic pregnancy is not a laughing matter. I’m happy you could finally accept the comic genius that is Ralph Wiggum.

Meghan (aka Meg-Hann, Meggs, Dirty Brown, Molasses): Have fun at band camp this summer. I intend to read Red Dragon this summer. Fly, my little starling. Fly.

Taryn: Keep those pastries coming. Whenever I see someone remove someone else’s skull cap, scoop out their brains, and then feed them to the person, I will think of you. Have the Johnson report on my desk by Monday, Miss Phillips.

Jonna: It was cool that you were Moe’s roommate. You should assert yourself more, I think. You have smarts! I don’t care what the Berenstain Bears say. TV is good. And remember, you may not be able to paint or draw a picture, but you can LOOOOOOOOVE!

Claire: Thank you for helping me prove my theory that not going to class results in passable grades and a well rested mindset. Y’all drop by next year.

Renee: Sorry about the foot thing early in the year. And humping your bed. And all the other stuff. I thought it would be kinda funny.

Shanna: Thanks for memories of Linguistics class. We can always share the experience of a professor getting a bit too interested in our personal lives. As far as I know, he thinks we’re married. Your astoundingly thorough comm outlines were helpful in the end.

Sandy: I never got to hear your sing. I heard I was missing out. Your committed dedication to the Rock was an inspiration to the floor.

Tiffany: Thanks being someone who would allow me to ramble, whether or not I ever made any sense. Let’s hope Cordelia gets her own series soon. I already finished the mints.

Moe: Thanks for letting your car be the floor bitch. When I think of you, it will be to the tune of “Sunshine and Lollipops.” Also, remember that there’s no use getting into heavy petting. It only leads to trouble. And seat wetting.

And that’s it. Give me a brake if I forgot anything; my brain still hurts from finals. Or maybe I’m hungover.

I talk a lot, don’t I? Maybe if I had put as much effort into English 10 as I did into this little blip in the radar, I might have gotten an A instead of a B. Oh well. Please don’t mock me for writing this mushy shit. I am well aware of its mushiness and shittinesss. I just wanted people to know they were appreciated. I’m looking forward to seeing you people again next year.

Thank you for making me feel like I had family in Santa Barbara.
And upon reading it all again, I can't believe I still mean it. Well, except for the part about Claire.


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